Tuesday, February 15, 2011

Don't Be With the Wrong One -- Alone or Lonely?!

In retrospect on Valentine's Day yesterday, my thoughts are you are better off being alone than being with the wrong significant other. I can say this from experience: since December 2006, I have spent exactly 33 months with the wrong one -- in two stints of 15 months and then 18 months until finally last May, a lightbulb went off in my head (or should I say his final betrayal of and disloyalty to me was the straw that finally broke the camel's back?). After spending so much time with the most ungrateful, heartless, soul-less, spineless man on the planet, I got it! Thus, the lightbulb -- at about a million watts. Of course, he's not the first one in my life, but he is the most recent one.

Let me preface this by clarifying this is for men and women alike before my male friends jump on my case. ;-)

Yesterday was the first Valentine's Day in my entire life when I didn't care! Didn't even cross my mind. This may be partially due to spending 2.5 hours of the late afternoon/early evening with a bevy of male salespeople in my local Verizon store trying to coach them on how to install a 4G Broadband on my Mac to upgrade from 3G. I digress, but suffice it to say after 2.5 hours I walked out at 7:30 p.m. with the exact thing I went in with. And at the end of it all, they wanted to charge me a $35 restocking fee for the 4G box they had opened and could not figure out how to install on a Mac. My response: "Jesus Christ. Get me the manager." Yes, this was another male who knew nothing about Mac operating systems. Let's just say I did not end up paying the $35. And on this particular February 14, it didn't leave a good taste for men in my mouth. ;-) Note: I do need to insert here that I do have some excellent male friends -- in real life and on Facebook, of course. These were not those men nor the caliber of those men! ;-)
Note: I did play on their iPads while wasting time. Nice device but wayyyy too overpriced for what it is at this point.

Now back to the topic: For years -- shall we say my entire lifetime thus far -- I was guilty of not liking to be alone; I was fearful of it. It made me irrational. It made me needy. It depressed me to no end. I was lonely. Here is the learning: Being alone is a choice, and should be valued as such. In fact, you should crave it if you are in a rocky or unfulfilling relationship -- married or single and partnered. Too many married folks stay in lackluster, going-nowhere relationships because of fear of the unknown; too many single-but-attached people do the same thing for the same reasons. When you crave being alone because you are miserable with the other person, make it happen; no one else can do that for you. You'll get through the loneliness aspect.

But understand, being lonely is a different animal altogether. Granted, this is not a matter of personal choice, but a status you feel is forced upon you, thus you don't like it, you don't embrace it, you do fight it, and you do mourn it -- perhaps very often. The trick and strength is in learning how to turn the loneliness into being alone -- being you, doing exactly what you want to do, when you want to do it, and honoring who you are. There is no magical formula to do so, but I do urge you to think about it and try to figure out how to best be happy with you.

I strongly feel when the time is right and if it's meant to be, you'll find your partner when and perhaps where you least expect it. Do I think about this every day? No. If I did I would never get anything else done. I know it's a cliche, but life is too short...it has taken me a longggg time to realize this and actually believe in it. I offer this to you! That's my $1.10 worth for the day, do with it what you will -- and make it a "you" day, and year, and future... ;-) Carpe diem.

Mahatma Gandhi: "Live as if you were to die tomorrow. Learn as if you were to live forever."

*** Sorry for being incommunicado for over a week here. A little thing called work got in the way! Given the topic of my blog site, you all KNOW there are no complaints from me regarding being busy with work.

Carry on, all!

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